First of all if you came to this page other then from my Special Offers page, then so that you can understand what this page is about, then you should first read my Special Offers page here. As my mega-lo-manic global conquest is a limited economic one, which has involved no bloodshed (so far).

Also no fellow mega-lo-manic goods supplier should read this page, when after all we don't want a virtual War to start do we? This planet is MINE where I don't want any other supplier touching my stuff.

Anyway, since this planet Earth is a very large world, then so lets get to it...


Apart from the following written descriptions I am now working on creating suitable conquest maps in order to show how much of this planet I now own in a graphical form. Rest assured that one day this entire planet will be mine, but until that day you can now see my conquest maps and how much of this planet does belong to me.

<Europe>     <Middle
         East>     <Africa>

To see the full sized maps just click on these mini-maps displayed above.

European Union

Control Factor: 93% (Used to be 100%)

Back before May of 2004, when the EU expanded by another ten countries, then so did I used to control every single country within the European Union, without exception. Peace was restored to my united land, where the people rejoiced in the power and the glory of their new dictator named "Cardman".

However, those misirable dogs, once exiled in Antarctica, have since escaped their icy prison. Those EU worms, by expanding my Europe United by another twelve countries, caused three rogue countries to enter this power base. Even though Hungary was the first of these three to fall this situation means that the peace is no more, where my armies now prepare for battle, in order to bring Slovakia and Bulgaria to heel. Then Cardman will go EU leader's head lopping to ensure this unfortunate situation does not happen again.

All these following countries are now in my control. The date shown is when my troops (aka customers) moved across the border and seized the capital, thereby bringing the country under my direct control.

United Kingdom: Has been mine since the 26th of February 1998.
Portugal: 6th of September 2000.
Germany: 7th of September 2000.
Denmark: 8th of September 2000.
Greece: 8th of September 2000.
France: 11th of September 2000.
Romania: 13th of September 2000.
Netherlands: 15th of September 2000.
Cyprus: 16th of September 2000.
Malta: 16th of September 2000.
Spain: 23rd of September 2000.
Ireland: 28th of September 2000.
Sweden: 17th of October 2000.
Finland: 11th of November 2000.
Italy: 5th of December 2000.
Czech Republic: 7th of December 2000.
Latvia: 19th of December 2000.
Belgium: 6th of January 2001.
Luxembourg: 23rd of April 2001.
Slovenia: 26th of July 2001.
Lithuania: 5th of October 2001.
Estonia: 25th of October 2001.
Austria: 1st of February 2002.
Poland: 29th of November 2002.
Hungary: 5th of January 2005.

History: Back on the 28th of May 2000 the European Union achieve a major victory over Cardman with the introduction of a new law, which caused me no end of problems resulting in my rapid withdrawal from all countries. After moving into the background for three months to sort out the mess this caused; it was on the 1st of September that I returned and began my new global conquest.

As the countries within the European Union have always shown me strong customer support, then upon my return this rallying cry to my most loyal troops achieved me a record victory of eleven countries within the European Union in under a month. Although my most loyal troops on a global level restored my control of 17 countries in total in this first month.

Since the (evil) European Union control originates from Belgium and Luxembourg, then that is why these two countries come last on my original conquest list, behind the final original country of Austria that is. With the capture of Belgium the start of 2001; this then give me control of the Council of the European Union, the Commission, Economic and Social Committe, and the Committee of the Regions.

However, after a long hard fight the very heart of the European Union in Luxembourg fell to my control in April of that same year, which then gave me control of the (much hated) European Parliament, the Court of Justice, the European Court of Auditors, the European Investment Bank, and finally the European Investment Fund.

Now, when I personally marched into the very halls of the European Parliament, then my steel toed boots made a nice clump, clump, clump sound on their expensive marble floor. Walking up to the twin wooden oak doors, past a sizable collection of expensive statues and tapestries that is, then I pushed these large doors open (with my spiked leather gloves) and entered the main chamber only to find that these corrupt leaders had already fled to their mountain retreat in Austria.

This final country avoided invasion for another nine months before my special forces troops sneaked in through a secret mountain passage, which strangely enough came out into an Irish Pub. That Pub just happened to be owned by one of my former customers, who has served my economic interests at least twice previously.

Anyway, working under the cover of darkness my special forces troops soon overcame the border outposts of this final original EU country, where this now unguarded border allowed my vast armies to enter Austria at pre-planned points.

Naturally, the former leaders of the EU quickly surrendered, once they knew that all was lost and they had nowhere else to run. Now, despite the many calls to execute these "miserable worms", which I could well understand due to the former problems they caused me, instead I decided (this is not a democracy after all!) that these leaders should be exiled to in order to make them suffer in their loss for as long as possible.

Now the big question is just where do you exile people if one day I will own the whole planet? The answer to that is the place that I am least likely to ever control, which just happens to be Antarctica. These ex-leaders will now look forwards to a very cold and miserable future, where they are also well guarded so as to remove any possible chance of escape.

My final tasks here were to have the people build me a palace, where I can relax in luxury to plan my future conquests. Then I changed the name European Union into Europe United, when after all these country are now really "united" under their new King Cardman. Oh yes, I almost forget to mention my coronation. Where this sealed my publicly supported total control over the peaceful and plentiful lands of Europe United forever more!

This may all sound nice, but it seems that it may have been my greatest mistake to let these EU leaders live on when in May of 2004 the EU, or Europe United, expanded by another ten countries. The most terrible news is that I only controlled eight of these ten countries, when Hungary and Slovakia resisted my armies to date.

At least some good news was that just 8 months later, in January of 2005, did the first of these two countries fall to my troops thanks to one customer from Szombathely in Hungary. There corrupt EU leaders soon returned fire, when by January 2007 Bulgaria (along with Romania) also joined the EU. Since Bulgaria made for the another country not within my control, then those miserable EU worms have once again reduced my former total control down to the new figure of 93%. Those dogs will hang for this!

So following the escape of these EU leaders from their icy prison, then they are now holed up in these two remaining EU countries, taunting us peaceful from across the border.

Time to take action I think. And to restore these lands to their former total control. Still, lets not overlook that the European Union could expand even further in the future.

Europe - The Continent

Apart from the European Union countries listed above then my control of the whole European continent is nearing completion. Anyway, to begin with here are the yet unmentioned European countries along with the dates they first came under my control...

Norway: 7th of September 2000.
Turkey: 6th of October 2000.
Macedonia: 15th of December 2000.
Switzerland: 22nd of December 2000.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: 22nd of December 2000.
Yugoslavia: 3rd of March 2001.
Ukraine: 27th of April 2001.
Belarus: 24th of September 2001.
Iceland: 16th of January 2002.
Croatia: 2nd of April 2007.

The remaining countries in Europe I have yet to invade are Albania, Bulgaria and Moldavia. That list is not complete however, when this does not include small countries like Andorra and Vatican City, but if I include those then I may never control all of Europe.

Russian Federation

Control Factor: I control the Russian Federation and 67% of the neighbouring countries.

All the countries that border Russia are...

Norway: European country.
Finland: EU country.
Estonia: EU country.
Latvia: EU country.
Belarus: European country.
Ukraine: European country.
Georgia: Rogue country.
Azerbaijan: Rogue country.
Kazakhstan: 23rd of January 2002.
China: 31st of August 2004.
Mongolia: Rogue country.
North Korea: Rogue country.

For a long time the control of the large country of Russia has been a goal of mine. This is because Russia is the first of the countries in what I call the difficult group, due to the different language and alphabet. What I mean is that unlike in the major parts of Europe there is much less desire in Russia to learn English. This means that those that understand only Russian won't understand my sites.

Also following the collapse of the old Soviet Union the average Russian citizen has been harder off, which means that even those that can understand English may not care for luxury level satellite reception equipment.

My now completed Russian conquest also provides many advantages, when this country directly borders four other difficult countries not yet in my control. So this Russian conquest now makes the following invasion of equally important neighbouring countries a whole lot easier.

Since both China and Japan fall under an even harder level, where both of these are now under my control, then so does this highlight that anything is possible.

This big Russian invasion after years of planning occurred on the 29th of May 2003, where the first city to fall to my troops was Petrozavodsk. Invasion of this city near the Finnish border was of course due to the well planned fact that my forces are strongest at this border section, when shorty after the capture of Petrozavodsk my troops in Norway all the way down to the Ukraine launched the main assault to capture the rest of the country.

Now although Putin is made out to be a tough guy, I have one thing that he does not, which are my steel toed boots (and leather spiked gloves). As nothing works better to put the fear in someone than with a clump, clump, clump sound down their marble hallway just before the door opens and my armed troops move in.

As I now control a very large section of land mass in this area, then I will just have to focus on invading the remaining countries. As then, and only then, will the Russian Federation and all of its neighbouring countries will be mine.

The Middle East

The countries in the Middle East have always been popular destinations for my orders, which I suspect is due to the desire of the locals to receive the strong satellite broadcasts normally aimed at Europe.

Anyway, here are the countries that I now control, including the invasion dates...

Bahrain: 8th of September 2000.
United Arab Emirates: 22nd of September 2000.
Kuwait: 3rd of October 2000.
Saudi Arabia: 20th of October 2000.
Israel: 25th of November 2000.
Jordan: 6th of December 2000.
Oman: 12th of December 2000.
Iran: 29th of December (sent via UAE).
Lebanon: 20th of February 2001.
Qatar: 30th of August 2002.
Iraq: 7th of September 2004.

The countries not yet in my control in this region are; Yemen and, Syria, which goes to show that my control of the Middle East is nearing completion.

North America - The Continent

United States of America

The US fell quickly under my control on the 8th of September 2000. This country provides an ideal starting point for my eventual total control of North America. Once this is complete then soon will follow my invasion into Central and then South America.

To assist this venture then my site is based in New York, which you could say is my secondary HQ. So any further invasions into North, Central and South America (and Asia) will be milliseconds faster by new sign-ups visiting my second HQ.


After a long delay I have now managed to do what the U.S has never done, which is to invade and control Canada, even if they did try once.

This Canadian conquest occurred on the 28th of February 2003, where the first city to fall to my troops was Ottawa. And since my troops never do fail in their conquests, then so did the rest of the country fall milliseconds later.


Had my site just happened to be in Spanish, then I am sure that an invasion into Mexico would be a whole lot easier. Due to this and other economic factors, then I am sure that my control of North America will be complete when my loyal troops in the US decide to invade Mexico.

Central America - The Continent

I currently have no control at all of Central America, where this includes such stunning lack of control in the past. This is because my control of North America is not yet complete, and you cannot win the world in a day.

South America - The Continent

In all I consider South America the most difficult continent to achieve success in, which I guess is why I have done squat all so far. Well one day the world will be mine, which will certainly include every country in South America.

I did have someone from this region asking about phone cards once, but as this is not my subject area, then we did not get far. Anyway I am currently wondering where my South American invasion will begin.

Asia - The Continent

My troops for later invasion into other Asian countries are currently based in Pakistan. My previous base in the past was in Thailand, but I am sure this time I will control more than just one Asian country.

Following my first new Asian conquest above, then Malaysia soon followed on the 19th of March 2002.

Not unsurprisingly since I have controlled Thailand once before, then so did Thailand fall to the control of my troops on the 8th of April 2003.

My fourth controlled Asian country just happens to be the Philippines. And the Philippines fell under my control on the 4th of March 2004.

On the 8th of August 2004 Japan became the fifth country in this region to fall under my control.

Africa - The Continent

In all Africa has been doing quite well, with Zimbabwe being in the lead thanks to one frequent customer. However, at this time I control a total of 7 countries classed under the African continent, which (including the conquest date) are...

Egypt: 19th of September 2000.
Zimbabwe: 13th of October 2000.
Morocco: 5th of January 2001.
Mauritius: 12th of July 2001.
South Africa: 14th of September 2001.
Zambia: 7th of September 2004.
Kenya: 21st of November 2004.

Before May 2000 I used to control Mozambique, but I fear that my past troops got caught in the flooding.

Oceania - The Water World


Australia became my highly popular base the other side of this planet on the 4th of October 2000, which at this moment ranks in third place in my list of most popular locations for order dispatches behind the UK and Malta. So far this country base has the second best result on another continent in numbers of other countries invaded, behind the higher number of results for Africa.

New Zealand

On the 8th of June 2001 New Zealand become the second large island (or more correctly two islands) in this region to come under my control. This then allows a second location for my troops to launch assaults on the vast collection of smaller islands in the region, but lets not forget the larger islands of New Guinea and Tasmania.

Your country could be next... with or without your support